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| I am feeling very much in love with my boyfriend today, yet not quite ready to write at length regarding our trip to Damanhur, so here is a really cute picture of us at dinner the first day we arrived (just an excuse to post a picture of him for me to look at *^^*):  I am utterly exhausted in this picture, so not the most flattering...but here we are at our first dinner in a magical land! I love you Chris...you are heavily in my thoughts today! | |
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| I have been to the place where the four lines meet, and there I found the eye of the Universe looking at me through a mirrored wall.
I have been to the place where love and giving and joy is a way of life and not just a dream.
I have been to the place where tales of Atlantis are still told, and where the magics of her colonies still linger.
I have been to the place where my heart was cleansed through fire and where my feet sink deep and root into the ground.
I have been to the place where the history of humankind is captured in caves below the ground, where a piece of my heart still resides as a memory of my journey through the labyrinth.
I have been to the place where dreams take form, where possibilities are endless, and where prayers are spoken with hands rather than words.
I have been to the place where I found my highest self, and have been comforted to know that I began to create this life and all of my reflections so very long ago.
I have been to the place where I gazed into the eyes of Sekmet so that others who pass there may one day receive the gifts that I have been so generously given.
I am home. | |
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| Death is simply change.
All fear, if you think about it, is a fear of our own mortality. That we will die is certain...and change...this is certain.
So why then, have I spent 29 years of my life fearing the inevitable? Why have I chosen to fight change instead of walking towards my Goddess given gifts with my heart and arms wide open?
I was asked to set an intention for my spiritual journey to Damanhur in Italy. Here it is:
I intend to release the fear from my life and choose to live in love instead. Permanent happiness is indeed a state of mind that is most natural to humans...I have been meditating on this over the past 24 hours. Why not permanent happiness? Why suffer? What does that give you? Please tell me because if suffering far outweighs permanent happiness I am all ears. I want to know why this is the common choice for most humans. I want to know why we choose to remain in the cave with our attention hooked to images and illusions instead of dancing in the light of the sun.
Why not happiness? Why not senseless optimism?
Because suffering is part of life you say...you can't have happiness without suffering. Well, I say that pain is inevitable and suffering...well that is a choice. And so is happiness. So is love. So is boundless creativity and service to others.
My uncle is dying from cancer and I don't know how much longer he has to live because treatment is not an option at this point.
My family is suffering...they are grieving and he hasn't left.
His smile is still here...and so is the eternal twinkle in his eye.
I...I go to Italy. With his blessing as it is his most favorite country. I go to Italy with the $20 he gave me to enjoy a bottle of wine on him.
I go to Italy because my Uncle Joe has taught me the most important thing about life as he is facing his own inevitable change...
Life is for Living! And I fully intend to sink my teeth into the big fat slice that Spirit gave me. Price Tags be Damned! They're only illusions anyway.
Namaste
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| Alrighty then. Today we are back on track with the Master Cleanse program. No real new developments...just took the tea the night before, did the salt water flush this morning, and am drinking the lemonade. Feeling positive and satiated! Actually, much more satiated than yesterday...the vegan protein & fiber shakes don't seem to keep hunger at bay like the lemonade does...isn't that interesting?
I also got a skin brush from the health food store to help out with the detox and used it before my shower this morning. It's really awesome! The brushing sensation totally woke me up before I even stepped foot in the shower, and I think my hands (which are normally cold) are a little less cold today. If skin brushing helps to promote better circulation, I am all for doing this everyday!
Only about 50 mins. of work left then I head home and we start packing up the car for the camping trip to Cahokia...I am pumped! Just keep fingers crossed that we won't run into rain...I was checking weather reports and it looks like it could be thunderstorming down there this weekend.
I hope you all have a lovely weekend!
Peace | |
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| Last night Chris and I realized too late that we didn't have enough supplies to make it through today with both of us on the Master Cleanse. My mind, which I had been battling with cravings all day, immediately thought of this as an opportunity to just break the fast. I had been freaking myself out all day with the prospect of doing this cleanse while camping and not knowing what kind of facilites the campgrounds could have. The idea of doing a salt water flush in the middle of the woods with only a roll of toilet paper terrified me yesterday!
Chris was awesome and totally reaffirmed that I was doing well and could totally handle doing the fast in the woods. I have to admit that I've always wanted to know what that was like...really getting down to shamanic roots by going without food and having longer, deeper meditations in nature.
Yet despite his efforts, once we realized we were out of supplies and the health food store was closed, I was ready to call it quits again. Especially once we got to the Jewel and found that they don't carry grade B maple syrup or organic lemon juice. Big surprise.
So instead of keeping on going, I bought lettuce, hummus, veggies, and some pineapple, and convinced Chris to get some smoked salmon, a favorite of his that he's been craving. We went home and I happily ate, though thoughts of guilt and the fear that secretly Chris might be disappointed in me for quitting were plaguing me. Honestly, first my brain tells me I have to have food, then when I finally give it food (not my body...I wasn't hungry at all last night when we went to the store) it then starts producing guilty thoughts for eating it!
Well, soon after eating, my stomach started grumbling and when I woke up this morning, I felt awful. Not brilliant and energized like I did yesterday. That was enough for me to decide to go back on the cleanse again and reset the clock back to Day 1 tomorrow. I will still be finishing the fast in May and that will give me enough time to properly break it instead of going back to solid food immediately which I definitely DO NOT recommend. I should be back on solid food in plenty of time for our trip to Damanhur.
So today, I'm not eating solid food as just the thought of it makes me ill again, but I am drinking a fiber shake as well as the vegan protein shake that I like. When I get back home from work tonight I'll start up the lemonade again as Chris is going to the health food store today to get more supplies.
I have to admit that even though last night was a set back, I'm glad I experienced it. This totally proved to me just how much mental addiction I have to food. I'm never really hungry while fasting, I just have all of these food habits and rituals that are programmed into my brain as extremely necessary when really they're not. Food is supposed to be a source of nourishment and vitality and occasionally an exquisite treat...not a band-aid for my emotional hurts. My set-back yesterday proved that to me a hundred fold.
So bring on the camping! I can do this! I embrace better health, energy, and vitality!
I'm not giving up. | |
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| I woke up today feeling fantastic! Well, after the mad rush to the bathroom that is...*^^* Can't remember ever feeling energized and ready to wake up after only about 5 hours of sleep. Rock on!
So I took the tea around 11ish last night and as I mentioned before, right after my alarm clock went off at 5 a.m. I was laying there deciding whether or not to actually get up when the tea made the decision for me. *^^* Right after that I took the salt water flush and was wondering why so many people on the boards whine about how horrible the SWF tastes and that they can't keep it down. Mine kicked in about an hour after taking it and I had no trouble with the taste at all...it was actually a welcome and different taste experience! However, after I got to work and was taking my morning internet break (got to keep sane and break up the day!), I was reading the boards and noticed that I used too much water but the right amount of Celtic grey sea salt. It still seemed pretty effective, but I'll be interested to see how different it is tomorrow morning when I use the correct ratios.
Cravings are about the same as they were yesterday, although I didn't really start to notice until lunch time. This morning I had absolutely no desire for food after that salt water flush. I just keep drinking water & peppermint tea until it's time for one of my lemonade rations and that seems to keep hunger at bay. I feel pretty positive in general...I'm looking forward to how I'm going to feel near the tail end of this cleanse.
On the home cleaning front: Nothing happened yesterday due to a chiropractic appointment and then shopping for camping gear after that for our excursion this weekend (squee!). Chris promised he'd help me out tonight since we don't have anywhere else we need to be and I'm holding him to it!
On the work front: It's going to be a breezy rest of the week Ladies & Gentlemen! Lynda is out of the office on business for the rest of the week and I have nothing but little projects to do, so tomorrow I finish those, do a few things on Friday and then leave at noon for camping! Woo hoo! | |
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| Since yesterday was 1.0, today we're calling it day 1.5 and tomorrow will officially be Day 2.
Didn't do the salt water flush this morning as I slept in and didn't take any of the tea the night before. So, I decided to just take the tea this morning and I will probably take more tea before bed and actually do the salt water flush tomorrow morning. Had to run to the bathroom on a few occasions this morning...interesting to see how much this will differ when actually doing the salt water flush. Yee haw.
So far I've had about 6 of my daily allotted lemonades and I must say I was definitely feeling hungry before the last one. Someone in the office was heating up spaghetti or something else Italian and I had to high tail it away from there. Feeling much fuller and satisfied after that last lemonade and another hot cup of peppermint tea. That's another thing I've noticed...I've always been a "Coldilocks" as Chris likes to refer to me when I'm trying to keep warm. I just seem to be really chilly today even though we're supposed to have a high of 70 or something close to that.
So that's pretty much it for day 1.5. Only complaints are some cravings and cold...nothing that can't be handled! I must say that checking out the official bulletin board and reading about others experiences also help.
As far as my cleaning the apartment front, the bathroom was successfully cleaned yesterday! The kitchen...not so much. So tonight will be focusing on the kitchen & mopping the floors as well as organizing and starting the laundry.
I also got Chris' fine paid, the campsite reserved, and an email out to someone at Damanhur to shuttle us from the airport in Turin to the beautiful house called Atlan in Damanhur where we will be staying for a week of bliss!
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| Today marks the actual first day of my first ever Master Cleanse detox program. Actually, I tried to start this cleanse on Saturday, but we ended up going down to Starved Rock State Park that afternoon and after hiking around there all day, I had mental cravings for junk food that I just couldn't get in control of even though I wasn't actually hungry. So after a late night Taco Bell run, that fast lasted exactly 16 hours. *^^* So today, I'm trying again and so far it's been easier. I'm determined to stick with the program today because after all the research I've done, if I can just make it past the three day mark, I should be good to go. I've decided to log my thoughts and progress here because then I'll feel like I'm held accountable to this cleanse if I commit to writing about it everyday. For those unfamiliar with the Master Cleanse, there's a wealth of information here. But basically, I'm juice fasting for 10 days in an effort to detox my body, attain more clarity, have more energy, and basically get more in touch with my higher self through my body before the Damanhur trip. I'm also hoping this will help me clean up my diet because I would eventually like to embrace veganism fully, eat more raw foods, and eliminate gluten. I plan on doing this slowly...the same way I adopted a vegetarian lifestyle and have remained meat-free for nearly 15 years now. I haven't done the salt water flush today because you're supposed to do that in the morning on an empty stomach and mine was not anywhere near empty at 6:30 this morning. That's why I'm not really considering today my first day, but day 1.0 rather. I've had 3, 8 oz lemonades so far today with 1 remaining to have this afternoon before I go home and up to 8 more when I do get home. Not sure I'll drink all 12 today as I'm feeling pretty good right now on only 3. In conjunction with my internal cleanse this week, I'm also going to be cleaning up the apartment in bits as I have been sorely lax in the clean-up department for the past three weeks. We're heading down near St. Louis to visit the Cahokia mounds this weekend (should be interesting camping while fasting/but I'm determined to do it!) and I want the place tidied up before we go. Hopefully I'll be able to convince Chris to help out with the clean-up efforts. *^^* So: Monday - Clean up kitchen & bathroom Tuesday - Laundry, Vacuum & Mop kitchen & bathroom Wednesday - Dusting Thursday - Vacuuming I think that should take care of everything. Also have to go out and get camping supplies at some point this week and find out if we're going to leave on Fri. afternoon, or Sat. morning so we can get the campsite reserved. So I'll say Day 1.0 is going off to a good start! | |
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| So I happened to glance at an article on MSN this morning that a judge in Minnesota is court ordering a family to have their 13-year-old son who has lymphoma to undergo chemotherapy against his wishes. Apparently the family wished to use alternative methods to fight cancer instead of the conventional methods that our brilliant medical community uses. They also said that the 13-year-old was unable to decide for himself whether or not to have chemotherapy treatments because he was unaware of how ill he truly was and that he only had a rudimentary understanding of chemotherapy.
What makes me a little angry about this whole situation is that this is basically violating the family's right to choose what treatment to pursue. Apparently our government seems to know what's better for us than we do...and I find that scary.
I wish the medical community as a whole would open up to the idea of maintaining wellness rather than only prescribing drugs or surgery as a means of treating symptoms and disease. I think that's something the American mind set has...we only go to the doctor when our symptoms start to become unbearable and then we expect the doctor(s) to heal us instead of taking our healing into our own hands. I'm not saying that drugs and surgery aren't necessary, but I've heard of way too many instances when people have become even more ill because of the conventional methods used to supposedly treat them.
I think the conventional methods that we have are a wonderful thing...but when the government starts to come in and tell me they know what's better for me than I do and that I basically don't have a choice...the fundamental principal that our American society was founded upon...the right to have a choice...
Well...maybe running away to Peru isn't so far-fetched of an idea... - Tags:wtf
- Mood:irate
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moonwinged's journal
